Today’s Work Environment

In-depth field research conducted over a quarter of a century has shown that the following things never occur in a traditional office setting:

– Dancing in the office space on a non-Friday.

– Playing any type of music at a loud volume, without using headphones.

– Variable start time of whenever you damn well feel like it.

– Lunch eaten at the desk due to work enjoyment.

– Mean, ignorant, and ridiculous people barred from entering the premises.

– No “developmental discussion” required as follow-up action for a cussing incident.

– Dress code permitting Eeyore sweatpants and a T-shirt, bra optional.

– Kitty cat on the desk; kitty cat on the extra office chair.

– Send email to anyone about anything with confidence in its privacy.

– Laughing is the norm when something stupid happens in your vicinity.

– One full-color printer, scanner, copier, and fax machine per person.

– An office as big as a house.

– Private kitchen with a fully stocked bar.

– Permission to leave work early to go have dinner with a friend.

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