[To follow-up on my previous post, I discovered that the reason I could not access my network is because a neighbor had “stolen” it. Amusingly enough, he named the stolen network after himself—Dumb Ass—so I was able to figure out who the thief was and get his address in about 15 seconds. What follows is the letter I mailed to his parents today. Enjoy.]
Dear Proud Parents of Nathan Lavezoli:
I just wanted to thank your son for hijacking my wireless network. After about a week of having no internet access and spending many frustrating hours trying to figure out why, I finally spent a real fun Friday night on the phone with my ISP to figure out that Nathan was to blame. Then, I got to spend another hour (and $50) with the manufacturer of my wireless hub to get things back to normal.
First and foremost, I am so glad he used his own name when he stole my wireless and made it his own. That made it so much easier to be able to send this note!
I had been told by a professional that my wireless was secure, so imagine my surprise when Nathan proved that wrong. I am very appreciative that Nathan demonstrated this error to me in such a creative way.
Please thank your fine son for taking the time to steal my network. Had he not done what he did—had he simply used my wireless signal to get onto the internet whenever he felt like it—I would have never known.
By the way, I write this assuming you are aware that Nathan has had internet access. (But, if not, don’t worry, I’m sure he has just been using it to donate money to charity or buy school books.)
For now, I have decided not to report this incident to the police because I value them and the work they do, and I think they have way more important things to do. But, if this or something similar happens again (or if I discover that anything more than my wireless has been hacked), I will count on Neighbor of the Year Nathan to be available to help with the investigation.
I’m also not asking for reimbursement. To do that, I would have to provide my name and address. And, while I assume that Nathan is just a dumb kid who did a dumb thing and I assume you were unaware and I assume that a letter to his parents is all that’s needed to set him straight . . . if any of those assumptions were wrong, I wouldn’t want anyone in your household to have my information.
I have also, after some deliberation and against the advice of friends, decided not to leave a flaming bag of poo on your doorstep. With the mailing of this letter, I consider the matter closed.
March 8, 2011 at 5:55 am
Been without internet at home for three or four nights now.
Cannot for the life of me figure out why.
I attempt to use the Help.
“You must connect to the internet to access help.” (Oh, how helpful.)
So, I attempt to diagnose by clicking where it says to click to diagnose. And it tells me that something is unplugged. It doesn’t tell me which thing but it says something is unplugged.
So I put down the laptop, remove the afghan, and go to the office to crawl around under my desk, next to the litter box, and I check every g.d. connection. I have checked every connection and every wire like 437 times. Every plugged in thing is giving me a green light and/or an icon that means I’m good to go.
So, I crawl back under the desk next to the litter box and I reboot and unplug and wait 30 seconds (“One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. . . .”). And I stick my head back under the desk to see only the side of my cat Rocky who becomes fascinated with the area under my desk every time my connection goes (which is often). And I bang my head off the dang keyboard holder shelf thing as I remove said cat and I replug and wait. And I reboot and unplug and move the cat and narrowly miss banging my head and move cat again and wait and replug. And I reboot cuss unplug bang-damn-head cuss cuss cuss move cat wait cuss replug and cuss.
Nuttin’.
Except the appearance of Franco, the second cat, creeping up behind me, drawn as if hypnotized to explore the small dark litter box neighboring space beneath my desk.
So, I return to other room. I go to the Control Panel. And it tells me to click here to see available networks. And I click and my network is (as I’ve surmised) still not on the list.
So, I click on the option that will let me set up a network. And I type in the SSID and it tells me that network already exists and invites me to “click here” to connect to it.
And I do.
And it takes me back to the list of networks on which my network (which exists) does not exist.
So, I’m writing this in the hopes that someone will be able to help sort out my wireless existence. Writing from work quick as I can before I head for home, and. . . . And as I typed that last sentence, yeah, it dawns: I’ll have to “Connect to the internet to access help.”
Good-bye.
March 4, 2011 at 10:28 am
Life Preservers 
Dear Proud Parents of Nathan Lavezoli
[To follow-up on my previous post, I discovered that the reason I could not access my network is because a neighbor had “stolen” it. Amusingly enough, he named the stolen network after himself—Dumb Ass—so I was able to figure out who the thief was and get his address in about 15 seconds. What follows is the letter I mailed to his parents today. Enjoy.]
I just wanted to thank your son for hijacking my wireless network. After about a week of having no internet access and spending many frustrating hours trying to figure out why, I finally spent a real fun Friday night on the phone with my ISP to figure out that Nathan was to blame. Then, I got to spend another hour (and $50) with the manufacturer of my wireless hub to get things back to normal.
First and foremost, I am so glad he used his own name when he stole my wireless and made it his own. That made it so much easier to be able to send this note!
I had been told by a professional that my wireless was secure, so imagine my surprise when Nathan proved that wrong. I am very appreciative that Nathan demonstrated this error to me in such a creative way.
Please thank your fine son for taking the time to steal my network. Had he not done what he did—had he simply used my wireless signal to get onto the internet whenever he felt like it—I would have never known.
By the way, I write this assuming you are aware that Nathan has had internet access. (But, if not, don’t worry, I’m sure he has just been using it to donate money to charity or buy school books.)
For now, I have decided not to report this incident to the police because I value them and the work they do, and I think they have way more important things to do. But, if this or something similar happens again (or if I discover that anything more than my wireless has been hacked), I will count on Neighbor of the Year Nathan to be available to help with the investigation.
I’m also not asking for reimbursement. To do that, I would have to provide my name and address. And, while I assume that Nathan is just a dumb kid who did a dumb thing and I assume you were unaware and I assume that a letter to his parents is all that’s needed to set him straight . . . if any of those assumptions were wrong, I wouldn’t want anyone in your household to have my information.
I have also, after some deliberation and against the advice of friends, decided not to leave a flaming bag of poo on your doorstep. With the mailing of this letter, I consider the matter closed.
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March 8, 2011 at 5:55 am 7 comments