In honor of my Mom, my Aunt Mitzie, my Grandma Schmidt, my Grandma Daugherty, my Aunts Mae, Betty, Jean, Marie, Ann, Margie, Theresa, Pat, and Jo, and my other-mother Elain W., I’m taking a little break from Prepare to Make Your Home Look as if Your Mom Taught You Well Day to consider some of the things I learned from these incredible women:
- Respect your elders. Mind your manners. Brush your teeth. Get along with your siblings. Don’t horse around on the stairs.
- A bit of confidence, a touch of courage, and some common sense can conquer just about anything.
- If no one knows the spaghetti missed the colander and fell into the sink, you can still serve it.
- Clothing does not define a person, but look your best for church and special occasions.
- Men are marvelous, and True Love does indeed exist. However, when need be, a woman can kill bugs by herself.
- Don’t do stupid shit.
- Driving is a serious responsibility.
- Work hard. But make time for play.
- People are more complicated than we can ever know. Those who may seem difficult to love may be more in need of it than those who move through the world with ease.
- Backing into a fire hydrant isn’t the end of the world.
- Happiness trumps societal expectations. Company trumps chores. And hearts trump clubs.
- Try again despite failure and fear.
- If you don’t know which fork to use, select one with confidence and people will follow your lead while admiring your fine manners.
- Play by the rules. It makes occasions for breaking them that much more fun.
- Life is hard. Heartbreak happens. But it is not an excuse.
- Painkillers are over-rated.
- Don’t swear. Unless it’s really warranted.
- Home-made things and time spent are better than any gift money can buy.
- Be kind. Be generous. Be helpful. But don’t let the assholes take advantage.
Happy Mother’s Day to the beautiful, witty, brilliant Life Preservers who raised me up, who led by example, who taught me right from wrong, who liked me despite my faults, who loved me and delighted me as a child, who gladly, sweetly, humorously, gracefully welcomed me into the club of adulthood.
I thank you. I love you.
Happy Mother’s Day!
May 12, 2012 at 5:43 am
Running multiple errands on my lunch hour, I found myself backing out of a parking space in a mall parking lot designed by a schizophrenic whose every personality is a sadist, from in-between two SUVs that hadn’t been there when I first parked, into a thruway of moderately heavy car and pedestrian traffic. I was going slowly, inching out, and finally got a break.
Let me note here that there was a crosswalk about 6 spaces down, i.e., nowhere near my car but not so very far for a healthy adult to walk to. Let me also note that I had already paused for about 12 cars and at least as many J-walking (J is for jagoff) pedestrians during my inching out until one kind motorist (who may or may not have been more focused on the space I was vacating than on a random act of kindness but still) stopped and waved me out. I checked all angles, sides, etc., and eased back. As I stopped, still a bit more vertical than horizontal due to the length of the SUVs blocking my turning radius, to put the car into drive, some lady steps blatantly off the sidewalk at my rear-right fender (i.e., nowhere near aforementioned crosswalk) and walks directly toward the back of my car without varying her steps an inch, without hurrying, without pausing, without glancing in any direction. She did not veer from her path. She walked slowly. She walked haughtily. She did not even glance at me or perform any nod or wave or twitch that could maybe-possibly be interpreted as a thank-you or pardon me sort of gesture. She sauntered (Sauntered!) past my passenger window with about 3 millimeters to spare.
She was young enough to move faster. I’d say 30s. Heavy, overdone makeup. Overly styled hair. Clothes that screamed “the latest fashion” too loudly to be fashionable.
She was obviously someone VERY important.
The kindly driver had remained amazingly patient, along with about 10 other cars lined up behind him at this point and another 5 or 6 now coming in the other direction, and I was able to complete my back-up and drive on to my next stop, to pick up lunch at the Giant Eagle at the far end of the same mall.
As I drove, I marveled at the adult-sized morons bursting out of doorways, right off sidewalks, into traffic, talking on cell phones or blue tooth gadgets, texting, trailing children, and waddling like blind ducks with vertigo and I marveled that the news reports so few pedestrian injuries
I parked again and made my way to a crosswalk. I stopped. A car was coming and it did not appear to be slowing down for the cross-walk. I made one of those mostly shoulder, fake steps, to make sure she saw me there, in the crosswalk. And she did, a bit suddenly, come to a stop. She saw me.
And, oh, I saw her.
It was the Sauntering Lady of Great Importance!
Nice.
I. me. thod. i. call. y. stepped. for.ward. mov. ing. through. the. cross. walk. step. by. step. star. ing. at. the. ground. and. mov. ing. so. slow. ly. that. it. was. hard. so. hard. to. keep. a. straight. face. step. by. step. try. ing. not. to. look. up. or. gig. gle.
And you know how it is when you’re trying not to smile. As soon as I stepped out of the crosswalk and through the doors of Giant Eagle, my oh-sweet-goody bit o’ secret revenge popped out into an eye-sparkling grin just as I lifted up my eyes into a direct line of sight with a good-looking delivery man who stopped his cart, took a Kramerly pose, smiled broadly back, and said, “Hey now! How are you doin’ today?”
Indeed. I’m doin’ fine.
May 7, 2012 at 10:16 am
Life Preservers 
Hey Now
Running multiple errands on my lunch hour, I found myself backing out of a parking space in a mall parking lot designed by a schizophrenic whose every personality is a sadist, from in-between two SUVs that hadn’t been there when I first parked, into a thruway of moderately heavy car and pedestrian traffic. I was going slowly, inching out, and finally got a break.
Let me note here that there was a crosswalk about 6 spaces down, i.e., nowhere near my car but not so very far for a healthy adult to walk to. Let me also note that I had already paused for about 12 cars and at least as many J-walking (J is for jagoff) pedestrians during my inching out until one kind motorist (who may or may not have been more focused on the space I was vacating than on a random act of kindness but still) stopped and waved me out. I checked all angles, sides, etc., and eased back. As I stopped, still a bit more vertical than horizontal due to the length of the SUVs blocking my turning radius, to put the car into drive, some lady steps blatantly off the sidewalk at my rear-right fender (i.e., nowhere near aforementioned crosswalk) and walks directly toward the back of my car without varying her steps an inch, without hurrying, without pausing, without glancing in any direction. She did not veer from her path. She walked slowly. She walked haughtily. She did not even glance at me or perform any nod or wave or twitch that could maybe-possibly be interpreted as a thank-you or pardon me sort of gesture. She sauntered (Sauntered!) past my passenger window with about 3 millimeters to spare.
She was young enough to move faster. I’d say 30s. Heavy, overdone makeup. Overly styled hair. Clothes that screamed “the latest fashion” too loudly to be fashionable.
She was obviously someone VERY important.
The kindly driver had remained amazingly patient, along with about 10 other cars lined up behind him at this point and another 5 or 6 now coming in the other direction, and I was able to complete my back-up and drive on to my next stop, to pick up lunch at the Giant Eagle at the far end of the same mall.
As I drove, I marveled at the adult-sized morons bursting out of doorways, right off sidewalks, into traffic, talking on cell phones or blue tooth gadgets, texting, trailing children, and waddling like blind ducks with vertigo and I marveled that the news reports so few pedestrian injuries
I parked again and made my way to a crosswalk. I stopped. A car was coming and it did not appear to be slowing down for the cross-walk. I made one of those mostly shoulder, fake steps, to make sure she saw me there, in the crosswalk. And she did, a bit suddenly, come to a stop. She saw me.
And, oh, I saw her.
It was the Sauntering Lady of Great Importance!
Nice.
I. me. thod. i. call. y. stepped. for.ward. mov. ing. through. the. cross. walk. step. by. step. star. ing. at. the. ground. and. mov. ing. so. slow. ly. that. it. was. hard. so. hard. to. keep. a. straight. face. step. by. step. try. ing. not. to. look. up. or. gig. gle.
And you know how it is when you’re trying not to smile. As soon as I stepped out of the crosswalk and through the doors of Giant Eagle, my oh-sweet-goody bit o’ secret revenge popped out into an eye-sparkling grin just as I lifted up my eyes into a direct line of sight with a good-looking delivery man who stopped his cart, took a Kramerly pose, smiled broadly back, and said, “Hey now! How are you doin’ today?”
Indeed. I’m doin’ fine.
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May 7, 2012 at 10:16 am 1 comment