How To Make a Pie

March 28, 2010 at 7:11 am 10 comments

Today, I was having over some impromptu company. Pulled pork in the crock pot and figured I’d make a quick pie using ready-made crust and canned filling. So, after I got home from a run to the grocery store, I realized . . . I forgot the crust.

Now, I am not a bad cook. But pie crust from scratch is my kitchen nemesis. I have just never been able to get it right. Yes, I considered a second trip to the grocery store, but laziness won out and I pulled out the recipe card box. I have six different recipes for pie crust. Not different pies. Just different ways to make pie crust. (You see, I have tried this before.)

This time, things appear to have turned out okay. So, I thought I’d share a how-to on pie making.

Step 1. Clear and clean some counter space in tiny kitchen and set out ingredients in neat rows (milk, flour, oil, salt, pie pan, bowl, measuring cups and spoons).

Step 2. Dig rolling pin and fancy (bought it cause I thought maybe that would help) pie-crust rolling mat out of kitchen drawer.

Step 3. Call mom to ask, “Does this recipe I got from you make 1 crust or 2?

Step 4. Mix 1-1/3 C flour and tsp. of salt in mixing bowl.

Step 5. Put 1/3 C oil and 3 Tbs. milk in measuring cup. Do not stir.

Step 6. Realize you will not have enough oil to make the second crust. Pick up measuring cup and run to neighbor’s house.

Step 7. As you leave the house, pull door shut tight behind you. As it clicks, realize that you have just locked yourself out of your house.

Step 8. Climb in through kitchen window, unlock front door, and leave house again to get oil from very kind neighbor.  

Step 9. Put all the ingredients together and stir using the big fancy whisk that has the neat little whisk ball inside of it.

Step 10. Dig dough bits out of whisk. Bend outer whisk to remove stupid ball thingie and dig dough bits out of that with a fork.

Step 11. Throw fancy whisk into sink and finish mixing with hands.

Step 12. Layout fancy Tupperware rolling mat, sprinkle mat, rolling pin, self, floor, and counter top liberally with flour.

Step 13. Make more counter space in tiny kitchen so you have room to actually use a rolling pin properly.

Step 14. Roll dough out, aiming for the perfect 9” circle that is imprinted on fancy rolling mat.

Step 15. Steal chunks of amoeba-shaped dough and add to spots where there is no dough.

Step 16. Look at dough. Look at pie pan. After some thought, place pie pan upside-down on dough. Flip over entire mat. When cloud of flour clears, see that this worked just fine.

Step 17. Steal more bits of dough to Frankestein a somewhat circular, somewhat full-coverage bottom layer.

Step 18. Remove everything that you cleared from counter from out of the cupboard where you store the can opener. Open pie filling can. Dump into bottom crust. 

Step 19. Make second crust, repeating most of the steps above. And crimp edges.

Step 20. Poke in some pie holes with a fork.

Step 21. Cover pie in wax paper and foil. Place on a dinner plate. And slide into refrigerator.

Step 22. Call Mom to ask, “Hey, what temp and how long do you bake a pie?” and “Oh, so I should bake it now instead of waiting til dinner time?

Step 23. Preheat over to 425 degrees and remove pie from refrigerator. Remove foil. Remove wax paper. Place pie in oven.

Step 24. Remove pie from oven and take it off of the dinner plate. Put pie back in oven.

Step 25. Bake at 425 for 15 minutes. Use that piece of foil to cover crust edges to keep them from burning. Then, bake at 350 degrees for half an hour.

Step 26. Remove from oven and place on cooling rack to cool for at least 2 hours to “let filling settle” (according to recipes.com).

Step 27. Enjoy! (I hope.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have any tips for making pie crust? Please do share them with me in the comments box.

Entry filed under: Humor - Commentary. Tags: , , , , , .

Thanks Mom Yes!

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Meg  |  March 28, 2010 at 7:40 am

    Did you ever hear the expression, “easy as pie?” Once you master it, it really is easy. You worked too hard at something so simple!

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    Reply
    • 2. boatdrinkbaby  |  March 28, 2010 at 1:50 pm

      Oh it wasn’t really working hard, more like working funny.

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      Reply
  • 3. ruth  |  March 28, 2010 at 8:42 am

    What flavor????
    It certainly will be enjoyed!!!
    (BTW, my Martha Stewart recipe is easy–mixed in a food processor–only tricky part is the rolling, but you have mastered that!)

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    • 4. boatdrinkbaby  |  March 28, 2010 at 1:08 pm

      It’s cherry. And feel free to send the recipe . . . but I don’t have a food processor . . . :)

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  • 5. Mega  |  March 28, 2010 at 8:46 am

    I’m impressed. I don’t even like pie crust and that sounds good. It looks like a peach pie. Or is it apple?

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    • 6. boatdrinkbaby  |  March 28, 2010 at 1:09 pm

      Cherry. I turned the parts where the cherry filling oozed out away from the camera :)

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      Reply
  • 7. WritingbyEar  |  March 29, 2010 at 4:41 am

    I made my first pie at age 10. Love to make pie! I, too, have a fancy Tupperware rolling mat. I love it. Put your dough between 2 sheets of wax paper first and roll it out on your fancy pie mat. Peel off the top sheet of wax paper, put it back on loosely, flip the whole thing over, and roll that side out until it’s big enough. (This smooths the dough so it’s not all wrinkly from the wax paper.)

    Then peel that top sheet off and put it back on loosely. Flip the crust over and pull the top wax paper off completely. Now it’s easy to use the wax paper (which is now only on the bottom) to flip the crust into the pie pan (just as you did with the whole mat before).

    My crust recipe is in one of the [former company we used to work for] recipe books. It always works for me.

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  • 8. LeeAnn  |  March 29, 2010 at 9:54 am

    I wish I was a fly on the wall. Next antique outing we must get you a pastry cutter. They are the best for homemade pie crust. Plus the old ones look cool hanging on the wall. A little trick grandma taught me, after rolling the dough, roll it around the rolling pin to transfer to the pie pan. Although your way sounds like it might be more fun!

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  • 9. mel  |  April 12, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    that’s it, I am making a pie from scratch. soon. but I’ll wait until I’m almost out of oil, so I can do it right. ; )

    good for you, seriously–it looks quite yummy!

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  • 10. The Granola Bar Experiment | Life Preservers  |  July 1, 2015 at 6:52 pm

    […] point of view, it was more difficult than making chocolate chip cookies but not as difficult as that time I tried to make pie. I melted, chopped, mixed, and slid it all into the […]

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