Posts tagged ‘snow’

Snow Is Stupid

Sitting on that road for nearly an hour = Stupid!

Sitting on that road for nearly two hours = Stupid!

Me deciding to make the right turn onto that road (instead of going my normal route)  last night = So Stupid!

Stringing the jumper cables between a vehicle in the northbound lane and a vehicle in the southbound lane to effectively block traffic in both directions instead of pulling off to the side of that road = You’ve-Got-to-Be-Kidding-Me Stupid!

Running in the car lane on that road last night = Amazingly Stupid!
(Note:  I don’t think this person was actually jogging but what the heck was she doing?)

Jumping out of your slid-to-the-side car on that road and standing with your back to traffic completely unaware that a less experienced driver than me who had less than my brand-new tires would not have been able to avoid running you over = Stupid.

Cutting in front of me from the left-hand turn lane to turn onto that road and then immediately making an unbelievable clusterf*ckian U-turn in the midst of complete and utter gridlock with no turning radius = You smart bastard.

Announcing on the radio at 4:10 p.m. (with traffic already at a dead stop) that there might be some snow in the area later = Stupid!

Running commercials about how great and amazing and vital your Awesome Major Weather Storm Predictor Six Thousand segment is, while I’m desperately seeking a morsel of info about today’s weather and commute: Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid!

Tailgating in this kind of weather = Stupid #%*! ##!^ **!!!! Stupid.

Driving 70+ on 279 this morning = Darwin-award-winning stupid!

Winter = Stupid!

Snow = Stupid!

Groundhog = Stupid!

Gloves, boots, hats = Stupid-Stupid-Stupid!

Salt on my car = Stupid!

Shoveling my driveway = Stupid!

Having a day off when your job is snow removal = Totally the Most Stupid Stupid-thing Ever in all the Stupid History of Stupidville!

February 22, 2011 at 5:52 am 5 comments

Where I’d Like to Put the Snow

City sidewalks. Busy sidewalks. Dressed in holiday style.

It’s a pretty song. But, living in the city, 60 days past the playing of Christmas songs, after record-breaking snowfall, the sidewalks are not a pretty sight.

While I’m in a residential neighborhood, my ZIP code is city. And, when you pay city taxes, the sidewalks that run along the street in front of your house are your responsibility. And when your house is at a sort of intersection, the sidewalks that are your responsibility are pretty long. And when you live in the city but have to commute for more than an hour (when the roads are clear), it isn’t exactly convenient to shovel during the daylight hours. And when you get, over the course of less than a month, more than 3 feet of snow, keeping everything clear can be a challenge. 

But, you do what you can. And the snow plow guys do what they can. And the City does what it can.

Let me be clear. I have had no complaints with the City to this point. While mostly everyone was complaining about their response to all this snow, I, on an occasion or two, defended them. We are all only human after all, and way-above-average snowfall followed by days and days of way-below-average temperatures, is no human’s fault. 

This morning, before heading out to shovel another 4-5 inches, I sat down with a cup of coffee to watch the local news and find out how much more is expected. Because, yes, more snow is expected.

And what do I hear? The City wants everyone to know that any un-shoveled sidewalks will incur a fine.

Really?

Really?

This from the same people that did not touch my street for days and days after the initial onslaught. The same people that have left us with barely a single lane to drive on for weeks since. The same people who sign the paychecks of the snow plow drivers who dump mountains of snow on top of the mounds of snow on top of my sidewalks.

Let me note that, even if my sidewalks were clear, no citizen could even get to them without resurrecting Sir Edmund Hillary to help them reach the summit of  the piles of frozen sludge the City has left sitting at either end.

Oh, this is a group of wunderkinds with some real snowballs.

And what do the “journalists” have to say about this? Those reporting this dire warning to the City’s slackers saw fit to back-up the ridiculous by giving us a man-on-the-street interview with a concerned citizen who said, “Oh, I think the threat of fines is a good thing. I mean, I’m going to The Pops tonight and I’m wearing heels and it’s very difficult to get around.”

So. Let me get this straight. The point you’re making is that I need to have clean sidewalks so that some dipshit can venture out in this weather without putting boots on?

Maybe they should have interviewed my 91-year-old neighbor, who’s husband is in the hospital and who’s only son just visited the emergency room (twice) in the past week, who is now fretting because she thinks she could be arrested for not shoveling her sidewalk. (Now, she really doesn’t have to worry. The neighbors pitch in to keep her shoveling done. And the neighbors would pitch-fork in with torches, tar, and feathers if anyone tried to harass her. But still. She heard it on the news, and she, being much sweeter than I, and therefore unlikely to even think about telling the City to kiss her ass, is fretting.)

I say, you want to scold me, you inept collection of idiots? You want to fine me, you absurd bunch of brain-dead dingleberries? Go right ahead. Fine me.

Good luck getting to my mailbox.

February 27, 2010 at 6:08 am 1 comment


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